Sexy communication skills for a deeper connection.

Uh, huh…yes dear…that’s nice…mmm-hmm. Are you really listening?

One of the greatest skills you can develop to build, and maintain, a healthy, loving relationship is to have good communication skills.

No matter what type of relationship you are in, the surest way to improve it, make it stronger and more connected is to have good communication skills.

Here are some ideas that will help you (or that certain someone:) to develop the skills needed for GREAT communication.

What are basic communication styles?

In a nutshell:

Men communicate to understand and to solve problems. Communication is used to get to the bottom line.

Women communicate to discover how they feel and what it is she is trying to say.

Communication is used to share and create intimacy.

See a problem here? On one side the partner is saying, “What’s the issue let’s fix it” on the other side the partner is saying “I’m not even sure there IS an issue, I just want to share my feelings”.

Wow!

With such different listening styles how can men and women EVER communicate? One said is saying “get to the point, let me fix it” the other side is saying “I don’t know what the point is yet, let’s find it”.

Neither side is right or wrong…it’s just how we are. It’s what makes us…us.

Studies have shown that we are actually “hard-wired” this way.[i]

NEWSFLASH!! Men and women are different!

Let’s find out how we can learn to understand and build a stronger relationship through better communication.

How can we communicate better?

Men: Just listen. Don’t fix. Don’t find fault. Don’t interrupt. LISTEN.

Actively listen, hear your partner out, ask questions, let your partner talk. Men are conditioned to listen actively, so as he is listening he is thinking “what can I do to help?” Men, don't fall into the trap of trying to "fix" the issue!

Guys, believe it or not, many times just LISTENING to her will be enough! You don’t even have to fix or find the solution to something just LISTEN…but truly listen. We’ll cover that later also.

Women: LISTEN.

Most of the time men have already sorted out what they want to say, and have come up with a solution, or plan of action. Men will more than likely discuss the salient points, and not expound upon all the nuances of a particular subject.

Men are looking for validation and appreciation.

Focus on what is being said, you’ll find out what is important to him, validate and appreciate, and you’ll get him to open up.

You’ll both notice that LISTEN has been capitalized.

Know why? It’s because both sexes have a horrible time LISTENING.

Learn to listen and you’ll make be a hero! Be sure to read the listen paragraph.

Don’t criticize

Nothing will shut down real communication faster than criticizing…or a car wreck, but we’re guessing car wrecks aren’t a common occurrence in your relationship! So we’ll focus on learning to not criticize.

Don’t criticize. Don’t try to find fault, be loving, kind and understanding. We ALL make mistakes, come up with crazy ideas, or just flat out screw up. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and remember that there will be a time when YOU need some understanding.

Has criticizing EVER worked? When the dinner was burnt, when you came home late, when the car got dinged or the bill was paid late, did criticizing the other person ever help matters? What if, instead, you held your anger or frustration and sought to understand and see how you could help the situation. Don’t you think that would have been a better approach?

Wouldn’t YOU like that approach when the mistake is yours?

Criticizing will kill a conversation.

LISTEN

Don’t just “hear” what your partner is saying, LISTEN to WHAT they are saying.

We HEAR the neighbors dog barking we LISTEN to what our loved ones say.

From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary: lis·ten

verb \ˈli-sən\